My littlest cousin is a kid who's all of eleven. You wouldn't think a boy that age could get up to much, but ever since he's come to Delhi for his winter vacation, we haven't had a moment's respite. |
It isn't that Delhi's all that novel for him "" my aunt and uncle have been taking their extended winter holidays in the capital for several years now "" it's just that as bonafide members of the same housing society as we are in, it's more difficult to read out the riot act to him. |
Therefore, who's to bell the cat when he and his recently acquired gang of friends go changing the mailbox covers in each block? Or go thump-thump-thump with a basketball in his apartment till the neighbours downstairs complain of a pounding ache in their head? "Go to your cousin's home to play," my aunt heaves him off in the direction of our flat. |
"Easy riddance," mumbles my wife, "why can't he play in his own home?" "He's only a child," I say soothingly, "besides he's my cousin, and he'll soon be off to hostel so give him a break." "Yeah," she says, "lucky parents." |
My son, who's learned to guard his territory somewhat fiercely, says to my cousin, "Your friend is calling you down to the playfield, here take these cookies for him." Having got rid of him, he smiles indulgently at us: "He'll spend at least a half-hour looking around for him, so grab yourselves some rest, you'll need it." "You mean you told him a lie?" I gasp. "Is there any other way to to get rid of him?" counters my son. |
But he has not factored in my cousin's ability to be readily distracted. On the way down he punches all the keys in the elevator so it stops on every floor. When this gets boring, he sounds the alarm siren, which brings the chowkidar running to the elevator. |
"Why did you set off the alarm?" he ticks off the youngster. "Because the lights went off, the lift stopped in between floors, and I was scared," says my cousin with a straight face, "I could have died inside." Seeing the chowkidar isn't convinced, he tells him, "Actually, I was checking to see if anyone actually responds to the alarm. Now that I know you do, I can go back to my cousin's house with an easy mind." |
"Back already," says my wife, when he rings the bell, "why don't you go home?" "Can't," he says, "Mom's sleeping." "I'd like to sleep too," says my wife. "Don't let me stop you," he replies, "you go ahead, I'll keep watch." |
My wife is soon on the telephone to me in the office. "Can I kill him?" she asks. "No, he's family," I say, "but what happened?" "He says he's keeping me company because our children are at school," cribs my wife, "but he's got the tape-deck on in their room, the TV on in the living room, and your computer on in the study, and the noise is driving me crazy." "Who let him use my computer?" I shout back at her. |
"Nobody," she replies, "after all he's family." "Right," I say, "it's okay if you kill him, just don't leave any evidence that you did it." |
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