 "The nuisance value of a banking relationship manager")
How does one stay in a relationship where one of the two keeps changing? I refer here to my relationship manager –- in this case with -- let’s call it -- X bank.
I have had an X bank account for the past 20-25 years and for the last 15 years, I have had a relationship with my relationship manager (usually male). At some point, he began to prefer me to others. In most years, my manager has changed at least twice during the course of the year -– the average time they last is usually 6-8 months, in my experience.
For most of these years, I have politely asked the relationship manager to stay as far away from me as possible, arguing that whenever I actually needed any help, they failed to deliver -– offering me stock responses on which branch I would need to visit and telling me how many forms I need to fill before I can be helped. With the exception of my last manager -– which I will go into subsequently -– all my relationship managers have singularly failed to take the relationship forward in any way.
The only other occasion I would typically hear from my relationship manager would be when some funds would come into my account and it looked healthy but idle. I usually got a call within a day or two of a hefty balance, asking whether I needed advise on how to make my money grow. Fed up with this kind of chasing, I have often told my relationship managers that I don’t want my money to grow and that I wish to remain poor (a white lie -- I do want to get richer but with minimal effort just like everybody else).
My last relationship manager from X bank -– a young man called A -– however was doggedly determined and extremely hard working. Despite my remonstrations that in my experience this was one relationship that generally headed nowhere, he persisted. Mr A managed to fill out all the forms that I needed to operate my own online banking (with no trips by me to various branches), he convinced me to buy a term life insurance policy, never did he push me to invest in this scheme or the other -– all this done quite unobtrusively and without being a pest in any way. He came over for signatures as and when required. He wriggled his way into my reluctant space so effectively that even I called him once or twice. In the past, whenever I did need something, I could never remember the name of my current manager – let alone call him or her.
That’s why I was quite upset to find a few weeks ago that A had quit and disappeared without a trace. I took it up with a friend who happens to be the head of one of X bank’s largest Gurgaon branches. He said it was “part of retail”.
Within a few weeks of this loss -- on April 28 to be precise -- I was greeted by my new relationship manager via email, who informed me that as a “preferred” customer, he was here to make my experience of banking more “enriching” and that he had been assigned to look after my “esteemed portfolio”. I guess they have to say something. Luckily, he didn’t say he was here to add to my customer “delight” (I don’t know what makes these people think banking is a delight in any way).
T.V. (my new relationship manager) surfaced again the next day in my email inbox with some advise on how to keep cool this summer. He advised changing my diet to adding some cool ingredients, while avoiding other heat-inducing foods. He further went on to add that my “exercise regime need not suffer on account of the heat wave”. After these two emails, things have been silent.
So, to come back to my point, this is a relationship that can best be described as superfluous and unnecessary. I would advise banks – private and public – just to try and improve their services, keep their charges fair, stop hiding stuff and make what they need to charge for transparent, reduce the sheer number of forms – across the board - and stop pestering people like me with advise on what to do with their money. In my opinion, Mr T.V. should chill out this summer. I can offer him some advise on how.
There’s another point I have to make here, which may seem trivial but it has to be said. I would request all bank officials – online, preferred – gold, platinum, copper, whatever - banking, branch managers and executives – to stop telling me to “take care” or to have a “good day”. I don’t think they truly care whether I do or do not take care. I am tired of the patronizing tone they adopt. Stop telling me to take care, keep your distance and watch how the heart grows fonder.
