Actor Alyssa Milano has revealed that she suffered from her "first anxiety attack" after she gave birth to her first son, Milo in 2011.
The 45-year-old actor has opened up about her brush with generalised anxiety disorder, which she claims was most likely triggered by "postpartum depression".
"In 2011, two years after suffering a miscarriage, I learned that I was pregnant with my first son, Milo - and it was a dream. My miscarriage was heartbreaking, but this pregnancy was beautiful: I did not experience morning sickness; I went to prenatal yoga five times a week; I walked two miles a day; and I took naps in the afternoon.
"Following this idyllic image of motherhood, I wrote a strict birth plan: no induction of labour, no pain medication and no C-sections. I equated a natural birth to my value as a woman and as a mother - and I was determined not to stray from that course," Milano wrote in an op-ed for Time magazine on account of Mental Health Awareness Week.
The "Charmed" alum said she suffered from complications 10 days before her due date and despite her plans, the doctors had to try to induce labour.
"I was forced to take an epidural, and I eventually delivered my beautiful son (after 18 hours of labour and three and a half hours of pushing) via C-section. And then, with my darling son in my hands, I was in excruciating pain not only from my C-section but also, from my milk coming in.
"That first night, after we returned from the hospital, I suffered my first anxiety attack. I felt like I had already disappointed my child. I felt like I failed as a mother, since I was not able to give birth vaginally or nourish him with the breast milk that had not come in yet. My heart raced. My stomach seized up. I felt like I was dying," she said.
Milano said she recovered but Milo spiked a very high fever and had a febrile seizure in her arms a few months later.
She felt "paralysing anxiety" reared its head again but she urged herself to keep her nerves intact as she was getting back to work.
"As we began filming, my anxiety worsened. I began to develop irrational and obsessive fears. Like many working moms, I was overwhelmed by guilt for leaving my son during work hours, and like many others who suffer from anxiety, my pain was not taken seriously."
The actor eventually sought professional psychiatric help.
"One early morning, I went to the emergency room at 2:00 AM, asked for a psychiatrist and got help. I felt as though I had no choice: I asked to be committed; I stayed in a public psychiatric ward for three days.
"At last, I began to feel as if my pain was recognized, but it wasn't easy."
Milano said initially some doctors and even her colleagues did not understand her mental condition as she did not "look sick".
She said she continues to face her illness with bravery, through help and the strength to recover.
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