I was so hard on myself for years: Kanan Gill

In his new Netflix special, Kanan Gill revisits the letter he wrote as a teen to his future self but if he could go back in time, the stand-up comedian says he would tell his younger self to "relax" and live more.

Gill, like the rest of the world, is self-isolating at home which he finds ironical considering how worried he was about not having any free time due to a packed schedule. But the spread of the coronavirus led to the cancellation of shows.

"I am privileged that isolation for me just means having my usual life at home. I ended up having to cancel around six months of shows -I think it's so funny now that my calendar was packed with international shows till February and I was worried how little free time I had.

 

"Now that I'm lucky enough to have all this time I have spent every waking moment working. That is life," he told PTI in an interview.

Gill, who shot to fame with the YouTube show "Pretentious Movie Reviews" with fellow comedian Biswa Kalyan Rath, said he was already touring when Netflix showed interest and they decided to put together an hour for the special, titled "Yours Sincerely, Kanan Gill".

In the special, Gill looks back at his earnest young self, the health scare that he went through, weight gain and other experiences through the letter he wrote to his future self at the age of 15.

The comedian said looking back, he regrets being so harsh on himself.

"I would honestly tell myself to relax. Nothing is the end of the world except the end of the world. I was so hard on myself for so many years, it really sucks to think about how much living I missed out on because I was worrying and beating myself up to do more," he added.

Gill said it was hard to open up about his life in the special.

"That was a difficult part of the show to write, but the guiding light I used was to joke about only my experience and say only the things that I would find funny in the darkest times.

Asked whether people get worried about ending up being a part of his jokes, Gill said, "they do."

"I want to put people at ease. It's quite unlikely that our conversation will inspire a joke that goes in a show. Jokes that last and resonate with audiences are hard to write and undergo many, many revisions. Even if what you said did inspire something, it's quite unlikely that you'll even recognise it when and if you see it," he said.

When quizzed if he and Rath will ever come back with "Pretentious Movie Reviews", the show that made them famous, his reply was a cryptic who knows.