England spinner Monty Panesar has admitted that he thought he had destroyed his international career after being fined for urinating on a nightclub doorman.
The incident occurred two months ago, after Panesar was asked to leave a club in Brighton on the English south coast.
The 31-year-old was fined by police and released by county side Sussex, but he was nonetheless named in the England squad for the return Ashes series in Australia later this year.
He says that he regrets the incident, but insists that it was not a deliberate act.
"I know it looks terrible, but I wasn't as drunk as people believe," he told British weekly newspaper The Mail on Sunday.
"Yes, I'd had a lot to drink, but I wasn't paralytic. I was asked to leave and then got caught short. The next thing I knew the bouncers were shouting at me and running after me.
"I swear I didn't see them and I had no intention of purposefully urinating on them or near them. To be honest, I barely went (urinated) at all and I'm pretty sure I didn't hit them."
He added: "The next morning I woke up and thought, 'What have I done?'
"My first reaction was that I'd just thrown my England career away, maybe even my whole cricket career. I felt very lonely and very depressed. It was a very dark time."
However, after joining Essex for the remainder of the domestic season, he called the England management to apologise for his behaviour and was rewarded with an international recall.
"I just can't tell you how thrilled I am with the selection," Panesar said.
"It's an incredible boost I needed as a cricketer and as a person, after a chapter in my life I'm ashamed of."
Matters were made worse when a video of Panesar being restrained by bouncers from the club emerged a few days after the incident, which his new Essex team-mates took great delight in showing him.
