John Galliano, whose anti-Semitic rant in 2010 almost ended his fashion career and cost him his job at Chritsian Dior, feared he was headed for a "mental asylum or six feet under" due to his addiction problem.
In his first sober interview to the Vanity Fair, Galliano, 52, reveals how he struggled with his addiction problem before his alcohol-fuelled rant that led to the downfall.
"It's the worst thing I have said in my life, but I didn't mean it... I have been trying to find out why that anger was directed at this race. I now realize I was so angry and so discontent with myself that I just said the most spiteful thing I could," said the former head designer of Dior.
Talking about his last two years of sobriety and struggles to come to terms with his words and actions, Galliano credits the unfortunate event for bringing him to his senses.
"...It sounds a bit bizarre, but I am so grateful for what did happen. I have learned so much about myself. I have re-discovered that little boy who had the hunger to create, which I think I had lost. I am alive."
The fashion designer said that he slipped into addiction slowly and without realising the dangers as his work increased.
"I lived in a bubble. I would be backstage and there would be a queue of five people to help me. One person would have a cigarette for me. The next person would have the lighter. I did not know how to use the ATM," Galliano said, adding he was warned twice by Dior bosses to clean up his act.
The designer, who was famously slammed by Natalie Portman for his rant and shunned by the fashion world, started making recovery two years ago and is on the cusp of a comeback.
First help came from Kate Moss, who reached out to him to design her wedding gown.
"Creating Kate's wedding dress saved me personally because it was my creative rehab. She dared me to be me again.
