Men at home, women at work: The surprising rise of the modern househusband

In 45 per cent of marriages in the US, women now earn as much or more than their husbands, a figure that has tripled in 50 years, according to a 2023 Pew Research report

In a subtle but significant shift within elite circles, more men are stepping back from their careers to support their wives as they scale the upper echelons of finance and corporate power. Suzanne Donohoe, a top executive at private-equity giant EQT, began September with a 10-day whirlwind business trip across Asia and Europe. Meanwhile, her husband, Matt Donohoe, was back in New York, juggling a different kind of challenge — helping their three teenagers start a new school year, each at a different school and balancing their unique extracurriculars.

 

It is a role Matt has embraced since leaving his job as an emerging-markets trader in 2007 to focus on family. With degrees from Georgetown and Columbia, Matt is part of a growing group of men opting to run households while their high-achieving wives dominate Wall Street, a trend that The Wall Street Journal has brought into the spotlight.

 

 

Traditionally, the finance industry has been notorious for its long hours, constant travel, and always-on demands, creating a tough environment for women, especially those with children. For women like Suzanne, having a supportive partner at home eases the burden and allows them to rise to the top. However, even with this privilege, balancing work and family remains a delicate dance, requiring more than just a stay-at-home spouse.

 

Househusbands reshaping power dynamics

 

For men like Matt, the role of househusband carries its own social challenges. While society increasingly accepts women as breadwinners, the expectation that men should be the primary earners persists. Nevertheless, the tide is changing. In 45 per cent of opposite-sex marriages in the United States, women earn as much or more than their husbands, a figure that has tripled over the past 50 years, according to a 2023 Pew Research Center report. Dads now represent 18 per cent of stay-at-home parents, up from 11 per cent in 1989.

 

The rise of househusbands is not just limited to everyday families but extends to the highest echelons of power. Doug Emhoff, husband of US Vice President Kamala Harris, gave up his career as an entertainment lawyer to support her political ambitions. On Wall Street, women in leadership roles with househusbands include the chief executives of Citigroup and TIAA and the global co-head of Blackstone’s real-estate business.

 

Balancing careers through role reversals 

Despite the increasing number of househusbands, the balancing act is not easy. Female executives with working spouses often find themselves envying colleagues whose husbands stay home, says Suzanne Donohoe. “The prototype of the person you are competing with, the people in nearly all successful positions, have a stay-at-home partner,” she explains. Yet, she is quick to clarify that many succeed with both partners working, even in demanding roles. 

For many couples, the decision for the husband to stay home was driven by circumstance. Chip Kelly, whose wife Natalie Hyche Kelly is a Visa executive, was working in tech sales when they had their first child. After struggling to secure daycare, Chip began working from home while caring for their daughter. As Natalie’s career took off, commuting from Charlotte to San Francisco, Chip ultimately chose to focus full-time on raising their children, a decision that has enabled Natalie’s continued professional growth. 

“I’m like the safety net for a trapeze artist," Chip reflects. His role has become integral to their family life, even as they navigate their third year in London, where Natalie serves as Visa’s chief risk officer for Europe.

 

Stay-at-home dads face stigma too

 

Similarly, Kathleen McCarthy Baldwin, Blackstone’s global co-head of real estate, credits her husband, Matt Baldwin, with allowing her to pursue a demanding career. After leaving his job as a chief financial officer (CFO) in 2015, Matt embraced full-time parenting, which included mastering cooking for the family and managing their daughters’ extracurricular activities. Kathleen acknowledges that Matt’s decision to stay home has allowed her to also take on roles outside work, such as serving on the board of an anti-hunger nonprofit. 

However, not all men find it easy to own their role. Some stay-at-home dads feel societal pressure to mask their status, referring to themselves as ‘managing investments’ or ‘running a boutique hedge fund’ when interacting with other men, especially at private school functions.

 

Paul Sullivan, a former columnist for The New York Times, seeks to address this through his organisation, the Company of Dads. Sullivan, whose wife runs an asset-management firm, has become a voice for stay-at-home fathers, advocating for more visibility and support for men in this role. “Two things can be true at once,” Sullivan explains. “Moms can be discriminated against in the workplace, and dads can be afraid to take a lead role at home.”

 

Redefining support for househusbands

 

Sullivan’s network also includes the husbands of Goldman Sachs partners, JPMorgan Chase managing directors, and top law firm partners. Through events and podcasts, he aims to normalise the role of the househusband and create a community for these men, whose contributions to their families are often undervalued.

 

For Suzanne and Matt Donohoe, the arrangement has fostered a close-knit family. Matt’s presence has not only bonded him with their children but also given Suzanne the flexibility to attend important family events without it seeming out of place in her high-powered career. However, societal expectations remain persistent, with schools often contacting Suzanne first, even though Matt is listed as the primary point of contact.

 

As more women like Suzanne break through glass ceilings in finance and other industries, the rise of the househusband signals a broader shift in societal roles. And while these men may not always wear their title proudly in public, they are an essential part of their families' success — quietly enabling their partners to soar.